“It’s all fun and games until
someone gets hurt. Then it’s
hilarious!” Those words were emblazoned
on three bright blue stickers that had been liberally placed on the outside of
the principal’s office window. Arriving
for work, the principal had opened his shades only to be greeted by the
backside of these three rectangular stickers directly in his line of sight on
his window. The morning sun streaming
into the room was leaving three black rectangular shadows on the opposite
wall.
“This
is great,” he mumbled.
Picking
up the phone, he dialed Jon E. Mopp’s custodial office extension. After three rings Jon picked up.
“Custodial
office, Jon speaking.”
“Good
morning Jon. Vance here.”
“Good
morning.”
“We’ve
got a little problem in my office this morning.
It seems that someone thought they’d be funny and stuck three stickers
on the outside of my window. Can you
drop by sometime this morning and remove them?”
“Sure,
that’s no problem. As soon as I finish
the project I’m on, I’ll be right over.”
“Thanks
Jon. I appreciate your help. Have a good day.”
“Likewise. It’s going to be a beautiful one.”
“That
it is.”
“Good-bye.”
With
that, both men hung up. Jon finished
separating the bleach from the ammonia and putting up a sign stating that the
two should never be mixed because of the potential of creating a dangerous
gas. He then rummaged through the
drawers in his workbench and found a razor blade scraper. Carefully, he put a new blade in the scraper
and headed for the principal’s window.
Upon
arriving, Jon was relieved to see that they were all within arm’s reach. That meant he wouldn’t have to get a ladder
out and work off of it. He’d already had
a couple of mishaps with ladders in the past.
The window was double-paned, held securely in place by four metal strips
screwed into the frame on the outside. A
special screwdriver was needed to remove the screws thus limiting an ‘average
Joe’ from coming along and taking the window out. Its’ dimensions were approximately four feet
wide by four feet high. Jon stood in
front of it, the morning sun blazing down on his back. Jon reached into his pocket to remove the
scraper. As he did so, the blade popped
out just enough to expose the blade and a hole was cut in his pants.
“Dog-gone
it anyway!”
Jon
twisted his head around to survey the damage.
A tear just above his right pocket angled slightly downward toward the
center crease. Comforted that it wasn’t
bigger and that nothing was showing, Jon turned back around to remove the
stickers.
Opening
the blade fully, Jon began to scrape the sticker off. Unfortunately, Jon had never been taught that
by wetting down the window first and then scraping, the sticker would come off
much easier. Water also helped to
prevent scratching up the glass. Jon’s
efforts were evident after just a few minutes of work as beads of sweat
dribbled down his face and dripped onto his shirt. The sunshine also extracted an excessive
amount of perspiration from his back as his shirt slowly turned darker and
darker. After some ten minutes of
scraping, Jon had removed about a third of the first sticker. A gummy residue continued to adhere to the
glass surface, and his scraper was getting duller with every pass. Jon stopped to take a break and replaced the
blade.
Returning
to his task, Jon began to scrape again.
This time, he noticed, if he tilted the blade a little higher, he could
get underneath the sticker more and remove it a little quicker. A flutter of excitement surged through Jon as
he perceived getting this job done and getting out of the sun. As he scraped with more vigor, Jon
occasionally heard the high-pitched squeal of scraper on glass, almost in the
same category as running one’s fingernails down a chalkboard. Cringing every time he heard it, Jon adjusted
the scraper so that the squeal was no longer audible. After another ten minutes, the first sticker
was gone. However, in its’ place was a
sticky residue and Jon noticed several small scratches on the surface of the glass.
“Don’t
tell me,” he said to himself.
Going
back to his office, Jon picked up some glass cleaner and solvent. Returning, he began to generously spray the
glass cleaner on the goo that was now left on the window. Taking some paper towels, Jon attempted to
wipe off the residue. Now he was left with
a fuzzy, white patch that looked somewhat like a half denuded rabbit skin glued
to the window pane.
“Stupid
thing.”
About
then, Vance walked back into his office.
Looking up and seeing Jon, he smiled and waved, unaware of the dead fuzz
stuck to the pane. Jon smiled back,
trying to be cool and giving the impression everything was under control. Vance sat down to work instantly oblivious to
Jon’s dilemma. Jon went back to work as
well.
Pouring
some solvent onto a paper towel, Jon began to wipe the white fuzz from the
glass. The fuzz came off easily. Jon was able to remove it in just a few
swipes. Watching the chemical evaporate,
Jon was horrified to see the myriads of tiny scratch marks that etched the
glass where the sticker used to be.
Vance glanced up and smiled. Jon
smiled and went back to work, a sick feeling crawling around in his
stomach. Wondering what he should do, Jon decided that
maybe taking the window out and working on it in his office would be better
than standing here in front of Vance trying to act as if everything were okay
and at the same time baking in the sun. Then
too, no one could see what he was doing and he could try to fix his mistake and
perhaps smooth out the scratches he’d created on the glass. This, of course, was not the brightest thing
Jon could do, but given his disposition and his upbringing, it was
typical. Jon also felt that since it was
a sunny day, he wouldn’t have to worry about rain or cold getting into Vance’s
office. Vance got up and walked out the
door.
Going
back to his office again, Jon picked up the special screwdriver he needed to
remove the window frame. As he was heading
back to the window, the school bell rang, and Jon ended up swimming through a
crowd of students as they passed to their next class. After some exertion, Jon arrived at his
destination. Removing the screwdriver
from his pocket, he began to unscrew the screws from the frame. In an unusual stroke of fortune, all the
screws came right out. No stripped
heads, no stuck screws, no broken screws.
Jon carefully laid the frames aside making sure the window would not
fall out. He placed all the screws in
his pocket so that they wouldn’t get lost.
Examining his situation, Jon realized that he had no one to help him
remove the pane. He could go inside and
push, but then the window would fall out and break. His only other option was to remove it from
the outside. Donning a flat head
screwdriver from his pocket, Jon decided to wiggle the window loose by sticking
the screwdriver underneath the bottom corner.
Placing the blade under the edge, Jon felt the window begin to
move. By carefully lifting the
screwdriver up and down, Jon was able to “wiggle” the window out of its’ seat
and break loose the seal. The window, of
course, would be heavier than usual because of its’ double-paned
construction. Jon was confident that he
could handle it. Continuing to work, Jon
was pleased to see that the window was slowly breaking free of its’ home. Working the window slowly forward, Jon
glanced up to see that the window up above was coming loose too. Just then, a high-pitched sound like that of
an ice-skater gliding by arrested his attention. Looking down, Jon noticed a two-inch long
crack beginning to crawl across the glass from the corner where his screwdriver
was. A knot of nausea balled up in his
stomach and he quickly removed the screwdriver.
Vance walked back into the office.
Glancing up at Jon, he nodded and smiled and then sat down to work on
his computer. Jon looked back at the
crack. An almost imperceptible sound was
emanating from the corner of the window.
It was the sound of the crack beginning to crawl.
As
he watched, the crack began spreading, picking up speed as it did so. Like lightning in a gelatinous substance, the
crack grew to a foot, then two and finally three feet, eventually spreading out
in all directions. It looked like
crystalline tree roots beautifully overlaid on a glass background. Vance continued to work on the computer. Sweat, from the sun and from horror, ran
profusely down Jon’s face. Now he had to
remove the window. Vance got up and left
the room again. Putting the screwdriver
back underneath the edge of the window pane, he gently began prying it out of
the frame. Eventually, the lower corner
was hanging over the edge. Reaching
underneath, Jon slowly pulled it from the frames grip. A few more lines crackled across the surface
of the glass. Preparing himself for the
weight of the window, Jon braced his feet and readied his back. Then, with one gentle pull, the window
dropped out. Jon was caught off balance
and stumbled backwards carrying the oversized crystalline art work. Tripping on a low shrub, Jon began to
fall. Trying to avoid being cut, he
pushed the glass away from him and fell to the side. The window went the other way and landed with
a muffled crunch on top of some shrubbery and then fell sideways onto the grass. Jon struggled to stand up, putting his hands
on his hips and looking at the empty window frame.
“Looks
great!” Vance yelled to Jon as he walked into his office unaware that the glass
was missing.
Jon
just waved trying to keep him fooled into thinking that there was still glass
between them. Vance picked up some
papers and walked back out of his office.
Jon looked at the broken window, then at the frame, and then at the
window again.
“I
can’t believe this,” he muttered to himself.
“It should have been a simple job.”
Turning
around to ascertain what he was going to do, Jon noticed the edge of one of the
stickers was now sticking up off of the glass where the glass had twisted and
bent inside the frame. Reaching over, he
pulled on the sticker’s corner. To his
amazement and chagrin, the sticker peeled off of the window as easily as
self-adhesive stamps peel off of the sheet they are affixed to. Gritting his teeth, Jon turned to walk back
to his office and get something with which to haul the broken window away. Leaning down to pick up his tools, Jon heard
a loud “riiipppp.” Reaching behind him,
Jon could feel a large hole in his pants.
A cool breeze rippled through the opening and swirled down his
legs. Jon, infuriated, took the
sticker he’d pulled from the glass and stuck it on his pants to cover the
hole. “It’s all fun and games until
someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious!”
continued to play through Jon’s mind as he walked back to his office.
“What a
beautiful day it was turning out to be!” thought
Vance as he sat back down in his office.
A cool breeze brushed his face.
Looking up, Vance glanced at the air diffuser overhead. “Hmmm.
The AC must be on early today. I
guess it’s going to be a hot one.” Looking out the exceptionally clear
window, Vance gave a sigh of relief now that the stickers were gone and he
could enjoy the beauty of the day. Refocusing
on his paperwork, he went back to work.
Elsewhere in the school, Jon was attempting to once again straighten out
a huge mess that he’d made.
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